I love my husband so much, he's the definition of true love, everything a woman could ever ask for. A perfect father to his daughter, a perfect husband to me.
Standing in the doorway of our sitting room, I stared at his sorrowful frame, my heart in pain. Is'haq was going through so much pain. Something he tried to hide anytime I was near him. Tamim's death had shattered his heart....
Tamim, my five year old daughter left this world about six months ago. She was my happiness, Is'haq's happiness. I gave birth to her exactly a year after our marriage. We loved her so much.
At fourteen months, our nightmare started. Tamim would come running to me crying, 'Momma ma and an teg', meaning, 'Momma my hand and leg'. I'll then rub chinese balm and put her to sleep. Sometimes, the pains became severe and she will cry so much, sleep evading her. After four episodes of such, we took her to the hospital. She was a child with the SS genotype, a sickle cell patient.
After the diagnosis was made, we gave her extra special attention. Is'haq always rushed home when it was time for her afternoon medications, even though it was during office hours. He kept saying it wasn't because he didn't trust me with our daughter, he just wanted to have a strong presence in her life. Tamim got used to it and will keep squealing 'My Papa's coming home' when she hears the zuhr call-to-prayer.
At three years of age, she was such a brilliant child. She will lie sprawled on the rug, her chin propped on her right hand and stare at her Papa and I. She would sing, 'I love my Mummy that's my mummy, I'll hug my mummy tight, mummy no be lie', in her tiny voice. Her Dad will mock a hurt look and say, 'Tamim don't you love me?' She will then run and climb his legs, then sing him the Barney Song, 'I love you, you love me, we are best friends like friends should be...'. Is'haq will then give us the bear hug, which made Tamim giggle. It was something she did everyday, except when she had her sickle cell crisis.
Anytime she had her crisis, Is'haq would stay with her on his laps all through. Sometimes, he'd hold I and Tamim, while we cried our hearts out. My little daughter would still manage a squeak, saying, 'Momma and Papa, why are you crying?' We had no answer for her. The pains would make her moan in her sleep, tossing and turning all night.
My Child became a cripple at four and a half years. The doctors said she had 'avascular necrosis of the head of femur' due to the severity of her illness. I was devastated, heartbroken.
Tamim's condition deteriorated. We were advised by her pediatrician to go to a renowned hospital in India for a hip replacement.
Tamim never got to use her replaced hips. We lost her a day after the surgery.
Amidst the pain of loosing our cherished daughter, Is'haq and I formed a sickle cell foundation in her memory. A foundation aimed at educating intending couples, as well as having interactive sessions with survivors.
Today barely a month after its creation, I notice a slight improvement in my husband's demeanor. As he said, this foundation was our gift to Tamim.
Saturday 1 September 2012
Thursday 17 May 2012
For You, Dear Ladies!
Ha! Ladies go extreme lengths just to impress guys. They want to feel among. They want to be amongst the doing, the 'fashion conscious' girls on the streets. Such fashion trends make me laugh. Ok I'm a weird, laid back girl, so pardon me if you disagree with the contents of my list. No don't pardon me, tongue lash me! *laughing*
1)-Show me your back!
Can you imagine? We no get back? Abi your own na for sale? Please, think again. Next time you sew clothes, cover your back ehhnn.
2)- Half Covered Hair..
No matter how nice your hair is, someone's own is definitely finer. If you want your hair to be seen, simply take off your veil. No half coverings please! Besides, he has seen different varieties..
3)- Pencil Jeans, Skinny Jeans, Pencil Skirts.. Whatever!
Those super tight clothes really annoy me. They reveal all the curves on one's body. Everything. Plus, they are awfully UNCOMFORTABLE! He go think say you borrow your small sister's clothes!
4)- 6-Inches..
Your cleavage isn't for the world to see. Cover up abeg. It's disgusting seeing your chests half open. Fashion isn't nudity jaare!
5)- Over-Painted Faces..
This one dey trend well well! Green eye shadow, black lipstick, pink blush, blue eyeliner, etc. Are you a clown? Truth be told, over painting your faces makes you look like a harlot. I don tell you my own sha, paint moderately!
Pardon my bluntness ooooo, I be local Girl!!
1)-Show me your back!
Can you imagine? We no get back? Abi your own na for sale? Please, think again. Next time you sew clothes, cover your back ehhnn.
2)- Half Covered Hair..
No matter how nice your hair is, someone's own is definitely finer. If you want your hair to be seen, simply take off your veil. No half coverings please! Besides, he has seen different varieties..
3)- Pencil Jeans, Skinny Jeans, Pencil Skirts.. Whatever!
Those super tight clothes really annoy me. They reveal all the curves on one's body. Everything. Plus, they are awfully UNCOMFORTABLE! He go think say you borrow your small sister's clothes!
4)- 6-Inches..
Your cleavage isn't for the world to see. Cover up abeg. It's disgusting seeing your chests half open. Fashion isn't nudity jaare!
5)- Over-Painted Faces..
This one dey trend well well! Green eye shadow, black lipstick, pink blush, blue eyeliner, etc. Are you a clown? Truth be told, over painting your faces makes you look like a harlot. I don tell you my own sha, paint moderately!
Pardon my bluntness ooooo, I be local Girl!!
Saturday 5 May 2012
A Thought For The Unborn: In Memory Of The Ones I Lost
In less than three months, three people I know died of the same cause. All their lives, they had fought the same enemy. Sickle Cell.
As a muslimah I believe that no one will exceed the time allotted to him/her and illness doesn't necessarily mean the end of life. I also believe that what is destined to happen will definitely happen whether we try to evade it or not.
About a decade or two ago, no lay-couple could accurately tell you why they gave birth to a child with sickle cell. Some thought it was dreadful evil spirits possessing their kids. Others thought it was an angry dead ancestor coming back to punish them. With the researches and enlightenment campaigns, more than 50% of the population can now argue with a medical doctor when it comes to sickle cell. More than 70% now know it is a genetic disease.
For those that do not know, let me share the little knowledge I have in genetics.
AS + AS= AA, AS, AS, SS
From the equation above, in each pregnancy of a couple who are both carriers., there is a 25% chance of giving birth to a child with sickle cell. There is a 50% chance of giving birth to a Carrier(AS) and a 25% chance of giving birth to a child with the AA genotype.
Somewhere right now, someone is happy I gave this little explanation. Such a slim chance of giving birth to a child with the SS genotype, right? You now think it is perfectly OK for you to marry that first love of yours, even though both of you are carriers, right? Its just 25%, just 25% huh?! Sadly, for so many people in love, 'trivial' issues like being carriers would never hinder their marriage plans.
How will you feel seeing your child going through so much pain? How will you feel seeing his/her tears of sorrow? How will you feel when he/she stares at you mournfully wondering why he/she keeps having those pains? How will you feel knowing this child wouldn't have being going through such pains if you hadn't being just a little bit selfish by marrying that spouse of yours? Are you ready to contain the emotional turmoils you will undergo? We are in the year 2012 and we know better about sickle cell. Don't you think you owe your child this selflessness? Don't you think you owe your unborn child the gift of health?
I remember the pains my eighteen year old cousin went through before we lost her. I remember vividly how we rejoiced when she gets better after having convulsions. I remember the tears we shed when she lies in bed and moans out of pain even though she was unconscious. I remember the days we got to gist with her in the hospital and the sound of our laughter, the sound of relief.
All shroud in white, lying on the stretcher, lifeless, was how I saw her for the last time. Fatima Fantus is gone, gone forever.
Fatima Fantus Bukar, Usman Bulama and Abubakar Tahir, we miss you dearly.. Ya Allah, forgive them, lighten their burden and make them inmates of al-jannatul firdaus, Amin!
As a muslimah I believe that no one will exceed the time allotted to him/her and illness doesn't necessarily mean the end of life. I also believe that what is destined to happen will definitely happen whether we try to evade it or not.
About a decade or two ago, no lay-couple could accurately tell you why they gave birth to a child with sickle cell. Some thought it was dreadful evil spirits possessing their kids. Others thought it was an angry dead ancestor coming back to punish them. With the researches and enlightenment campaigns, more than 50% of the population can now argue with a medical doctor when it comes to sickle cell. More than 70% now know it is a genetic disease.
For those that do not know, let me share the little knowledge I have in genetics.
AS + AS= AA, AS, AS, SS
From the equation above, in each pregnancy of a couple who are both carriers., there is a 25% chance of giving birth to a child with sickle cell. There is a 50% chance of giving birth to a Carrier(AS) and a 25% chance of giving birth to a child with the AA genotype.
Somewhere right now, someone is happy I gave this little explanation. Such a slim chance of giving birth to a child with the SS genotype, right? You now think it is perfectly OK for you to marry that first love of yours, even though both of you are carriers, right? Its just 25%, just 25% huh?! Sadly, for so many people in love, 'trivial' issues like being carriers would never hinder their marriage plans.
How will you feel seeing your child going through so much pain? How will you feel seeing his/her tears of sorrow? How will you feel when he/she stares at you mournfully wondering why he/she keeps having those pains? How will you feel knowing this child wouldn't have being going through such pains if you hadn't being just a little bit selfish by marrying that spouse of yours? Are you ready to contain the emotional turmoils you will undergo? We are in the year 2012 and we know better about sickle cell. Don't you think you owe your child this selflessness? Don't you think you owe your unborn child the gift of health?
I remember the pains my eighteen year old cousin went through before we lost her. I remember vividly how we rejoiced when she gets better after having convulsions. I remember the tears we shed when she lies in bed and moans out of pain even though she was unconscious. I remember the days we got to gist with her in the hospital and the sound of our laughter, the sound of relief.
All shroud in white, lying on the stretcher, lifeless, was how I saw her for the last time. Fatima Fantus is gone, gone forever.
Fatima Fantus Bukar, Usman Bulama and Abubakar Tahir, we miss you dearly.. Ya Allah, forgive them, lighten their burden and make them inmates of al-jannatul firdaus, Amin!
Thursday 19 April 2012
Shahid's..
Curled up on his bed, tears dripping from his eyes, he read her messages. She was his 'numero uno', his heartbeat, his ex-wife. She always sent him those cute messages when he was away, sometimes while he was at the office. He still loved her so much, after all she had done to him or what they thought she had done to him.
He remembered vividly what happened that night, four days ago. Hidaya was busy in the kitchen when he came back from work. She always made sure he had the perfect meals. He greeted her and asked if he could help out with anything. She answered with a smile, telling him to go upstairs and freshen up.
He had come down after an hour, only to notice her mood had changed. He quietly ate his meal, scared of putting her off. His mind drifted off as he ate, away from his plate. The clanking sound of his fork and spoon falling down brought him back to reality. Then, Hidaya had snapped. She stared at him, anger in her eyes. 'Why did you wake me up? I'm so tired and would have appreciated your silence. Its not fair of you Shahid. You don't care about me.' She stood up and went upstairs.
He followed her to her room, apologising profusely. As he had suspected, she was crying. Just as he leaned forward to console her, Hidaya struck him with a perfume bottle. He had fainted, only to wake up on the bed at L$F hospital.
Hidaya had being so sweet when they came home. Doing all the things he liked. His mother had shown up the next day, only to make him do the unthinkable.
He touched his forehead, the scar was still fresh and hurting. More tears dripped down, he wished Hidaya was here to clean the wound. She was always there to do all the little things that were actually the big things.
She had her temper problem but they had agreed to go for anger management courses, to take the classes together. He convinced himself he needed the classes too,he was sure he was the one always provoking her. Unfortunately, his mother had forced him to divorce her after that incident. His Hidaya. Shahid's Hidaya.
She would have changed if only his mother had not interfered. He knew it. He stared at the scar on his arm. It was a knife cut. He had forgotten to close the kitchen door a few months back. She had thrown the knife at him so he would never forget again. That was what she had said after cleaning him up. He believed her, he will never forget again.
Dometic violence is'nt necessarily all about men beating up their wives.. Think!!!
He remembered vividly what happened that night, four days ago. Hidaya was busy in the kitchen when he came back from work. She always made sure he had the perfect meals. He greeted her and asked if he could help out with anything. She answered with a smile, telling him to go upstairs and freshen up.
He had come down after an hour, only to notice her mood had changed. He quietly ate his meal, scared of putting her off. His mind drifted off as he ate, away from his plate. The clanking sound of his fork and spoon falling down brought him back to reality. Then, Hidaya had snapped. She stared at him, anger in her eyes. 'Why did you wake me up? I'm so tired and would have appreciated your silence. Its not fair of you Shahid. You don't care about me.' She stood up and went upstairs.
He followed her to her room, apologising profusely. As he had suspected, she was crying. Just as he leaned forward to console her, Hidaya struck him with a perfume bottle. He had fainted, only to wake up on the bed at L$F hospital.
Hidaya had being so sweet when they came home. Doing all the things he liked. His mother had shown up the next day, only to make him do the unthinkable.
He touched his forehead, the scar was still fresh and hurting. More tears dripped down, he wished Hidaya was here to clean the wound. She was always there to do all the little things that were actually the big things.
She had her temper problem but they had agreed to go for anger management courses, to take the classes together. He convinced himself he needed the classes too,he was sure he was the one always provoking her. Unfortunately, his mother had forced him to divorce her after that incident. His Hidaya. Shahid's Hidaya.
She would have changed if only his mother had not interfered. He knew it. He stared at the scar on his arm. It was a knife cut. He had forgotten to close the kitchen door a few months back. She had thrown the knife at him so he would never forget again. That was what she had said after cleaning him up. He believed her, he will never forget again.
Dometic violence is'nt necessarily all about men beating up their wives.. Think!!!
Saturday 31 March 2012
Options and Choices!
I stare into space, with my hand below my chin, and a smile stamped on my lips, finally!
We make choices everyday of our lives, food, clothes, shoes, soaps, facial scrubs, chocolates, face powders, friends, after-shaves, enemies ( yes dear, ENEMIES), name it! Each choice we make has an effect, either there and then or it takes a little nap and comes around to affect you when you least expect it. One choice we make blindly may just be the most important ever.
Am no economist or analyst, neither am I a counselor or any blah-blah of that such, but I know good things when I see them, and I absolutely believe no one should settle for less. Yes, nothing less than good, except we have no other choice, but we always have options, don't we?!!
You buy a face powder and reaching home, you find out the guy at the cosmetics shop cheated you. You were busy staring at some ugly eye lashes and didn't notice its actually Maye Kay instead of Mary Kay. Now that isn't your choice, but you have two options here. 1)-Smash the compact against the wall. OR 2)- Go right back to the guy's shop, stare at him coldly and demand your money back, after smashing it of course. Yeah, you aren't buying it any more.
Make your choice! (What if you never noticed and used it everyday? Acne, hypo and hyper pigmentation of course! Who knows, a modeling agency may have been eyeing you and you just messed up.. Or an admirer who would have done anything for you cos your face looks smooth is somewhere watching you?)
You collect your clothes from the tailor and you try it on in front of your wall length mirror thinking you will be magically transformed. Taaraaa! What you see is a hideously ugly you, courtesy of your new dress. You have two options here. 1)- Give out the dress to someone who needs it, or to a fashion blind person. OR 2)- Get that huge guy who has a crush on you and attack the tailor's shop and force him to make amends.
Make your choice! (What if you happened to be suffering from fashion-blindness for a little while and didn't notice? And what if that frenemy of yours notices and had fun snickering anytime you wore it? She just got one on you!)
You stroll into a fast food joint and the waitress ignores you because she's prettier than you but has to accept what life doled her. You have two options here. 1)- Eye her, yes o, the nigerian eyeing and call her in a cold confident voice. OR, 2)- Shout at her for been so mean and walk out on her.
Make your choice! (OMG!! What if you were oblivious of her mean attitude and she wastes your time deliberately so you would be late and get a piece from your boss?!)
You drop by at Ceddi Plaza to get something nice from Wrangler's only to see your fiance helping some random girl to choose some new clothes. You have been begging him to escort you oo, he refused! You have two options. No, for this, you have three options. 1)- Give him a hard slap and walk away, after ending the relationship. OR, 2)- Pretend you didn't see him and walk away, and later on accept his apologies,she just may be his sister's father's cousin you know. OR, 3)- Give him a hard punch and make life hell for him, and marry his boss later on.
Make your choice! ( What if you didn't find out he was cheating and you marry him without him not been cured?!)
Lots of options, make your choice wisely!
We make choices everyday of our lives, food, clothes, shoes, soaps, facial scrubs, chocolates, face powders, friends, after-shaves, enemies ( yes dear, ENEMIES), name it! Each choice we make has an effect, either there and then or it takes a little nap and comes around to affect you when you least expect it. One choice we make blindly may just be the most important ever.
Am no economist or analyst, neither am I a counselor or any blah-blah of that such, but I know good things when I see them, and I absolutely believe no one should settle for less. Yes, nothing less than good, except we have no other choice, but we always have options, don't we?!!
You buy a face powder and reaching home, you find out the guy at the cosmetics shop cheated you. You were busy staring at some ugly eye lashes and didn't notice its actually Maye Kay instead of Mary Kay. Now that isn't your choice, but you have two options here. 1)-Smash the compact against the wall. OR 2)- Go right back to the guy's shop, stare at him coldly and demand your money back, after smashing it of course. Yeah, you aren't buying it any more.
Make your choice! (What if you never noticed and used it everyday? Acne, hypo and hyper pigmentation of course! Who knows, a modeling agency may have been eyeing you and you just messed up.. Or an admirer who would have done anything for you cos your face looks smooth is somewhere watching you?)
You collect your clothes from the tailor and you try it on in front of your wall length mirror thinking you will be magically transformed. Taaraaa! What you see is a hideously ugly you, courtesy of your new dress. You have two options here. 1)- Give out the dress to someone who needs it, or to a fashion blind person. OR 2)- Get that huge guy who has a crush on you and attack the tailor's shop and force him to make amends.
Make your choice! (What if you happened to be suffering from fashion-blindness for a little while and didn't notice? And what if that frenemy of yours notices and had fun snickering anytime you wore it? She just got one on you!)
You stroll into a fast food joint and the waitress ignores you because she's prettier than you but has to accept what life doled her. You have two options here. 1)- Eye her, yes o, the nigerian eyeing and call her in a cold confident voice. OR, 2)- Shout at her for been so mean and walk out on her.
Make your choice! (OMG!! What if you were oblivious of her mean attitude and she wastes your time deliberately so you would be late and get a piece from your boss?!)
You drop by at Ceddi Plaza to get something nice from Wrangler's only to see your fiance helping some random girl to choose some new clothes. You have been begging him to escort you oo, he refused! You have two options. No, for this, you have three options. 1)- Give him a hard slap and walk away, after ending the relationship. OR, 2)- Pretend you didn't see him and walk away, and later on accept his apologies,she just may be his sister's father's cousin you know. OR, 3)- Give him a hard punch and make life hell for him, and marry his boss later on.
Make your choice! ( What if you didn't find out he was cheating and you marry him without him not been cured?!)
Lots of options, make your choice wisely!
One Terrible Experience!
This happened exactly ten days ago.. Here goes my story..
I nearly had a heart attack today. Am sure you are wondering why, its a long story sweethearts. When I came from school, around 4pm, I decided not to sleep. I went to the courtyard to snap some pictures(am a photo freak), to avoid the call of nature.
My sisters came out as I was busy taking shots and I asked where they were going to. I decided to follow them( mota dadi!), so I could get myself chocolates.
Just as we were about leaving the mall, I noticed some soldiers going after some people. Yes oo, right inside the mall! One of them was actually holding a guy's collar and leading him to the back of the shops. Na only God wey know the kind of wahala that guy enter sha!
My body was shaking vigorously.. The shop attendants and customers were all tense. Customers were trying to leave the mall before the soldiers engage in a cross-fire or something!
Just as we were saying 'pheewww' because we managed to leave the mall as quickly as we could, drivers coming from the opposite side warned us to all go back; as the soldiers were engaged in a cross-fire with some people!
From frying-pan to fire! We had to reverse and make a U-turn right on the bridge, yes right in the middle of a very narrow bridge..
Then more soldiers came from all angles, driving at top speed on our Lagos Bridge, making drivers to quickly make way for them or risk harassment.
Had it been I was a hypertensive patient, something terrible might have happened on the 21st Of March..
May Allah bring peace to our darling Yerwa, amin!
I nearly had a heart attack today. Am sure you are wondering why, its a long story sweethearts. When I came from school, around 4pm, I decided not to sleep. I went to the courtyard to snap some pictures(am a photo freak), to avoid the call of nature.
My sisters came out as I was busy taking shots and I asked where they were going to. I decided to follow them( mota dadi!), so I could get myself chocolates.
Just as we were about leaving the mall, I noticed some soldiers going after some people. Yes oo, right inside the mall! One of them was actually holding a guy's collar and leading him to the back of the shops. Na only God wey know the kind of wahala that guy enter sha!
My body was shaking vigorously.. The shop attendants and customers were all tense. Customers were trying to leave the mall before the soldiers engage in a cross-fire or something!
Just as we were saying 'pheewww' because we managed to leave the mall as quickly as we could, drivers coming from the opposite side warned us to all go back; as the soldiers were engaged in a cross-fire with some people!
From frying-pan to fire! We had to reverse and make a U-turn right on the bridge, yes right in the middle of a very narrow bridge..
Then more soldiers came from all angles, driving at top speed on our Lagos Bridge, making drivers to quickly make way for them or risk harassment.
Had it been I was a hypertensive patient, something terrible might have happened on the 21st Of March..
May Allah bring peace to our darling Yerwa, amin!
Tuesday 20 March 2012
I Sit Still
I sit still,
Gazing into the dark quiet night,
Wondering what's happening to the vibrant me,
Wishing I was still that young and carefree girl,
Dancing wildly in the rain.
I miss,
The days I run shouting in d house,
I crave,
The local alawa in maiduguri.
I smile,
At the memories of Tom chasing Jerry.
I wish,
I could run up and hug the stranger at the door, not caring about the venom in his heart.
Alas,
Wishes aren't horses,
And memories could never be relived.
In d still dark night,
A smile spreads on my lips,
And I know I have to reach out into the future,
And grab what is meant for me..
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